When I was younger, I remember hearing people say that relationships take work. And I always wondered what they meant by that. Surely when you’re with the right person, everything is easy, right?
After 2.5 years of marriage, I finally understand what everyone meant by having to work at your relationship. Even if your spouse is the greatest person in the world, you’re both two broken people coming together in a marriage that’s going to be imperfect.
I thought about writing this post from my point of view on how Dustin and I keep our marriage strong, but I also wanted his point of view on marriage since Dustin and I think differently. So my answers are first and his answers are second, and we answered the same questions.
How do we work on our marriage?
I believe that our marriage is at its best when we love Jesus more that we love each other. When I am consistent with my quiet time and prayer time and time in the Word, I’m able to love Dustin better because I’m kinder, more patient, and I want to put his needs before my own.
Right before we got married, my grandfather gave me advice about marriage. I remember interviewing my Gran when I was in the 6th grade about their marriage for a school project and learning that my grandparents met, dated, and got married all within one month and 17 days. My grandparents stayed married until my Gran passed away the summer after 6th grade, so I greatly valued the advice my Popo told me about marriage. He said that marriage is about compromise and you need to give more than you take.
What has been the easiest thing about marriage?
I know this probably sounds so cliche but I think just being married is pretty much easy. Yes it takes work but mostly it’s just easy. We just fit together really well.
What has been the hardest thing about marriage?
Realizing that everything can’t be the way I’ve always done something. We didn’t start dating until I was 24 and got married when I was 26, so I had pretty much already established a routine and a way I did things. Plus I’m pretty Type A about certain things. Then marrying Dustin threw a kink in some of the ways I do things or take care of things because he’s basically like a bull in a china shop. So I work a lot on not micro-managing and just letting go. Like folding towels. If he randomly folds the towels, then I have to let it go that it’s not the way I fold them or even put them away.
What advice would you give to an engaged couple about marriage?
Love Jesus first and everything else falls into place
How do we work on our marriage?
We try to figure out how we’re both built and what makes us drive. But really church and our faith being first.
What has been the easiest thing about marriage?
The extra security from a financial standpoint with both of our salaries
What has been the hardest thing about marriage?
Two alpha-dominant individuals–knowing that everything can’t always be my way and to give in.
What advice would you give to an engaged couple about marriage?
To love unconditionally, to be able to work things out. You’re never going to be perfect and you’re going to have disagreements but to do it in love. And to be in God’s Word.
