Sweet Baby Banks

Wow. Where to begin–our journey to Banks has God’s hand written all over it. He was so good to us during Harrison’s adoption, and once again, God was so gracious to us in Banks’s adoption. **Be warned: this story is long!

Let’s start at the very beginning….

About 2 weeks ago, I was complaining to my small group just about how hard the wait to be matched in our adoption process was really starting to weigh on me. No one was choosing us to be matched with them, and while I thought the wait would be so much easier this time around, it was the exact opposite. I was so ready to see Harrison become a big brother and to hold a little baby that the wait was eating at me.

I prayed a lot asking God to help my heart trust in Him. I had seen him work a miracle with Harrison, but I quickly became just like the Israelites–so easy to forget.

On Wednesday, January 11th, I had checked my email at school and saw that we had received two cases of expectant moms (EM). I had been keeping a record, and at that point, those two cases brought us to 24 total cases we’d seen since we went active on October 4th. Like I always did, I texted Dustin to check his email since he was at work. His reply was “Yes to both.” I replied back yes to both but one stood out to me in particular (this was Banks’s case) because of the type of adoption desired–it was an open adoption just like Harrison’s. On this email, I replied back to Stacey (the woman over all of the Texas agencies and the one who personally worked with us on Harrison’s adoption) that we say yes but to also pass along that we are supportive of the adoption desired. She replied back that I should write a note, so that’s exactly what I did. Later that evening, I wrote a little note about all of that and sent it to Stacey. Both EMs were receiving all profile info the following day on the 12th. I’ve learned that we also know by the next day if we aren’t chosen or if the EM has narrowed it down to other families.

I woke up on the 13th and had some anxiety I battled at school that day. I just had a feeling that I couldn’t explain. We got the email that the first EM chose someone else, and funnily enough, I wasn’t disappointed. During 6th period that day, we got an email about Banks’s EM that she had narrowed it down to 3 families and we were one of them! I have a very nervous stomach so I immediately felt sick to my stomach–I could not believe it! Also, the baby was due in a week, so even more nervousness!!

That was on a Friday, so on Saturday I woke up feeling like we would get an answer. I also had this nagging feeling that I wanted to communicate something in particular to this expectant couple and I wasn’t sure if our profile communicated that clearly. I thought about writing another note to send to them but also felt like it was overkill. And I knew Dustin would probably say I was being overbearing–but he was also at work LOL. I battled this feeling all morning and decided that if I didn’t hear anything by 1pm, that I would write the note and email it to Stacey. 1pm rolled around–I didn’t hear anything–so I wrote the note. Stacey sent it and then I didn’t hear anything the rest of the day.

Sunday we left church after the 1st hour because Harrison had an accident and on the way home, Stacey called me saying that the couple wanted to talk to us on the phone and ask us a few questions. She said their case manager Jennifer would call us later to set it all up.

We ended up setting up a phone call with them Monday, January 16th after Harrison went to bed. It turns out that the note I sent on Saturday was exactly the answer to a question they had about us. She said the first note checked off one thing on their list, our profile checked off another, but the note literally answered the last question they had. I fully believe that feeling I had was from the Holy Spirit and I am so glad I listened! Their case manager said they’d made a decision by that night or the next day for sure.

Well, that Tuesday I went all day with SILENCE. It wasn’t until after dinner we got a call telling us they had picked us!! They thought it was understood after our phone call that they picked us, but the case manager wanted them to say it, so she was waiting on them Tuesday for that. We scheduled a zoom for the next night so we could talk on camera. Also, the EM had a doctor’s appointment the next morning to hopefully schedule her c-section for that Thursday, so needless to say, I was anxious again. haha

Wednesday night came and we zoomed with them, and while I might have been nervous at first, our conversation flowed so easily that after our allotted 40 minute time block, we scheduled another one for the next night. (We also found out that the c-section was scheduled for the following Tuesday, January 24th)

We zoomed with them again on Thursday night and we talked for over an hour. They are so easy to talk to and really enjoyable people that I love that we got to build a relationship with each other.

We scheduled our flights for late Sunday night so we could make sure we got to Dallas in time to have dinner with them in person Monday night before the c-section. (I also want to note that the case worker was going out of town Tuesday-Thursday night so this placement would have been quicker if she had been there)

Dustin and I woke up on Tuesday anxious to get to the hospital. We lounged around our hotel until we ate lunch and then headed to the hospital. We sat in the labor and delivery waiting room waiting on the expectant father to let us know when it was okay to come back. Once again, the wait was hard. I read a book to keep my mind off things. Soon, the birth father texted us pictures of Banks right after he was born and it was amazing to see. (Another reason I love Banks’s birth parents is how thoughtful and considerate they were even when I knew how hard all of this was for them.). We waited a couple more hours and he came to get us to bring us back to the recovery room where we met Banks for the first time. It was just us, Banks, and his birth parents.

The hospital she gave birth at was so welcoming to us as adoptive parents that they gave us our own room on the L&D floor and the birth mom kept the hospital bracelet designed for the father for me to wear. We went to get settled in our room and a little bit later, the birth father brought Banks because he knew we wanted some alone time with him.

We took Banks back to them for the night. The next day around lunch, he brought us Banks and told us it that day was our turn. Banks stayed with us for that night in our room.

The next day was discharge day. Texas law states that birth moms can’t sign the termination of their parental rights until 48 hours after birth. Since our case manager was out of town, we couldn’t get those papers signed until the next day so his birth mom was going to sign a paper releasing him to us from the hospital–but she could still change her mind until those papers were signed, so obviously we were nervous. (I think memories of that failed match before Harrison’s birth still lingered.)

We had taken Banks back to their room that morning for a few hours for them to say goodbye, and right before discharge, we went to go get him from their room to bring him back to ours. We also wanted to get them the presents we had gotten them. This is where adoption is so hard and complicated. The emotions I felt in that room watching them say goodbye to him one last time were all over the place. Of course I was happy for us, but then at the same time my heart hurt for them so badly. It’s a reminder that adoption is born out of tragedy, and when you think about our own adoption by God, that was paid for by the death of Jesus on the cross–the beauty and the pain intermingled.

We were discharged from the hospital and anxiously awaited the next day. They were meeting at lunch to sign. We were praying consistently–our families were praying–and so were our friends. More than ever did I need to remind myself of the truths about God–He is good; He only does good things; His timing is perfect. We didn’t hear anything so after 2pm I texted our case worker because I was terrified that they had changed their mind. She texted back stating that she’d forgotten to let us know but that they moved it back because she was with another baby that had just been born. I lost it. I was already emotionally on edge, but now since it was going to be Friday afternoon, it was too late for our adoption paperwork to get sent to the state office in Texas–meaning we’d be stuck in Texas longer and away from Harrison longer.

We left the hotel to get out and drive around and it was on our way back that we got the text that they had signed papers. Relief immediately washed over me–it’s a hard feeling being with a baby that technically isn’t yours yet and knowing the birth parents could still decide to parent the baby. While I didn’t think that would happen, there’s always a chance until it’s official. What was supposed to be a 48 hour wait turned into something like 76 hours for us. A true test of our faith.

Now we are waiting on Texas to look over all of our home study and adoption paperwork to clear us, and then (stereotypically so behind) they have to physically mail it to Alabama to look over….unlike all the other states who are digital. We plan on eating dinner with his birth parents again before we leave. We love them so much. We admire them tremendously, and they are such lovable people that I’m thankful the Lord has interwoven our lives together forever now.

Sweet Banks Haddon Eddy Shaneyfelt :). Banks is a boy name that Dustin and I both love. Haddon is Charles Spurgeon’s middle name and he’s a theologian we both admire. We asked his birth parents to give him a middle name and Eddy has a special meaning for them. Both of our boys have names with special meanings!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Also we still have a little more fundraising to do! If you’re local, we’re raffling off the beef package from my mom and stepdad’s farm, so you can see details on our Facebook pages (we’re going to push the date back until we get home). If not, you can always donate to either our PayPal or Venmo: @DustinShaneyfelt