And adoption is also a very hard thing.
It’s born out of brokenness and hardship. And when sin entered the world through the fall of man, the need for adoption entered the world, also.
There are so many times when I’m holding Harrison or just looking at him (or even a picture) and I think about how my life would have been if I had been in control of how our family was built. We would have had a baby biologically many years ago and the idea of adoption never would have crossed my mind. But God, who always knows best, in his infinite sovereignty saw that it was most glorifying to Him to build our family through adoption. And I am so glad it happened that way!
I look at Harrison and so many times I can see traces of his birth mother or birth father in his face, and it’s a forever reminder of the precious gift they gave us. It will never be lost on me that I became a mother because of the selfless choice of another. My love for Harrison was immediate. His birth mother took us to meet him in the NICU and once I looked into his bed and saw that tiny, 4 pound baby, I loved him more than I ever thought was imaginable. It’s so crazy to think that now that he’s 6 months old, my love for him now is even more than it was then.
I also think that the struggle to even expand our family have given me a different perspective than those who easily plan out their families. I cherish every moment with Harrison. The sleepless nights, while difficult, weren’t something that made me complain about being exhausted because I never thought I would get to experience that exhaustion. That’s a perspective that I always want to have.
Hear this–I’m not saying that adoption was our #2 choice or our Plan B, but it wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind until one day it did. And once it did, I couldn’t stop thinking about adoption. It’s like the Lord had planted a seed in my heart a year before we even started pursuing adoption (actually, during our 2nd IVF round) and once He did, adoption was all I could think about and all I could pray about was to ask God for clarity because I felt so conflicted. And just because we’ve adopted, doesn’t mean that I still don’t grieve that my body couldn’t do what it was created to do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with grieving what I thought would always happen while still rejoicing that I have Harrison because I wouldn’t ever change that.
I also really love that our family isn’t made up of the same ethnicity. Why should it be? If Heaven is filled with believers of all ethnicities worshipping God, then why not let our earthly families reflect that?
Our adoption was finalized on Wednesday, September 4th. We had no idea it was happening that day (Texas law is weird), so I opened my email at lunch and read the email from the lawyer letting us know the judged signed the decree that morning. Finalization not only means that we are done with social work visits and monthly paperwork, but also that Harrison’s birth certificate will be changed to have his name we gave him along with listing us as his parents. While he always felt like a Shaneyfelt, it’s now official!
Terminology is something that’s really important that I never would have thought about had I not experienced it. When referring to Harrison and adoption, don’t say that Harrison IS adopted because that implies that it’s currently happening and ongoing–say that he WAS adopted because it’s something that happened once and it’s done. I don’t want Harrison to be defined by adoption until he gets old enough to make that decision himself. For more thoughts on this, read Russell Moore’s book Adopted for Life because it helped me tremendously!
Okay, I know that was a lot of rambling and I wasn’t really sure where I was going with his post. I was pretty open and honest about my feelings, so I pray that it’s able to help someone who reads this today!
